


The waiter and the magician

by YiHa



Series: Tumblr Ficlets [1]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: First Meeting, Human AU, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-24
Updated: 2019-09-24
Packaged: 2020-11-02 13:35:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,201
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20764406
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YiHa/pseuds/YiHa
Summary: This started as a response to a Tumblr post by Tumblr user @vityagames that went "good omens human au where aziraphale is the worst for-hire magician and crowley is the most irritable waitstaff worker and they meet at warlock’s disaster of an 11th birthday party".This inspired me straight away to revisit Crowley and Aziraphale's first meeting in Eden but in the context of Warlock's party, and to echo it eerily...





	The waiter and the magician

« Well, that went down like a lead balloon » said the waiter.

« Hm ? I’m sorry, what was it you were saying ? » asked the magician politely. 

He had been busy trying to wipe out cake bits from his coat. However, he had only managed to spray the icing all over his clothes and hands. The magician licked one of his fingers, resuming his attention on his new companion.

« I said » repeated the waiter, « that went down like a lead balloon ».

The waiter, a slender fellow in dark glasses, grinned as he was unsuccessfully trying to get water off said glasses with an equally damp corner of his white jacket. His eyes were a mezmerizing light brown, almost yellow, and he was smiling widely, as if the whole event hadn’t been a disaster.

The disaster had begun halfway through the magician’s performance, as all the children grew impatient, started to insult the magician, then each other, then the staff, and proceeded with a general battle involving flying cakes and water guns. A proper disaster.

The magician felt strangely better, seeing the waiter grinning with a kind of confidence he didn’t have. It unexpectedly softened his own anxiety.

« Oh, yes » he said. « Rather dreadful, I’m afraid. Erm… »

He was about to offer to shake hands with the waiter, but there was more cake than hand on the body part he raised towards his companion. The man chuckled and took the magician’s wrist between two fingers, shaking that instead.

« I’m Mr Fell » smiled the magician.

« Anthony Crowley » replied the waiter. « Nice to meet you. »

« I’m sorry about the mess I created » apologized Mr Fell, turning slightly towards the house.

Both men could still hear the horrible children shouting and throwing various objects at each other, back in the garden. One hell of an eleventh birthday party.

« Nonsense. The little monsters did that themselves. »

« No » sighed the magician, « I know it’s partially my fault. The tricks I performed were… outdated for this kind of audience. »

Crowley said nothing and pinched his lips. He really couldn’t counteract Mr Fell on that point without lying, as he had watched the show the magician had performed from the back of the room and had been dying of second hand embarrassement the whole time. Mr Fell didn’t pay attention and kept talking.

« Youngsters nowadays have the attention span of a fish. Not the clever kind like dolphins, of course. All they want to see are flashy tricks and pyrotechnics, and mesmerizing visuals… Cards and bunnies out of hats aren’t that impressive anymore. »

The magician sighed deeply.

« And they almost had it. I was ready to deliver this kind of show, you know. »

The waiter raised a confused eyebrow over his glasses.

« Why didn’t you ? »

« Erm… I… Uh… I had a lot of … tools and material, and, er… »

« Lost it, didn’t you ? »

« Oh no ! No, not exactly lost, more- »

« Well ? »

Mr Fell sighed again, a bit annoyed this time. The annoyance seemed to be directed more towards himself than anyone else.

« Well, if you must know, I gave it away. »

« You WOT . »

The waiter’s eyes widdened in shock. Magic material must cost a fortune ! What could have this man been thinking, giving up on his livelihood like that, shortly before having to perform a show for the birthday party of the American ambassador’s son ?

Mr Fell felt the stare of Crowley through his dark glasses. He rubbed his hands distractingly, making some more cake purée between his fingers.

« I had to. You see, I have this couple of friends, the poor things, they had some terrible luck lately, got evicted from their home, and they… they really needed the money, so … »

Mr Fell gave a worried look at Crowley.

« It was the right thing to do. »

Crowley’s mouth stayed wide open and silent for a few seconds.

« Wow » he finally managed to say. « Are you some sort of an actual angel ? »

The magician blushed. It wasn’t only the skin visible under the cake sprayed on his face that gave his emotions away, as he also failed at maintaining a dignified composure, visibly very touched by the compliment. Crowley couldn’t help but smile at his mannerisms.

Mr Fell coughed even though he didn’t need it, as a sort of forced transition to go back to his normal self.

« It’s a pity really » continued Mr Fell with a more steady voice « that young people need so much flash and color to appreciate a good show. Because… »

Crowley froze as the hand of the magician came dangerously close to his ear. However, it went back almost immediately, holding a golden coin.

« … it does require skills to perform even the most basic of magic. »

The waiter laughed.

« You should check you pockets » offered Mr Fell .

The waiter did, and stopped laughing. There were several other coins, and bits of cake inside.

« Oh, oh my. Awfully sorry about that, I had forgotten all about the cake. »

Crowley raised his head, impossible to read through his sunglasses. The magician’s anxiety kicked back at full intensity.

Crowley burst into laughter and the knot in Mr Fell’s stomach burst into nothingness.

« You really are an angel, to be tipping this generously » joked Crowley.

« You won’t be able to buy much with these fake coins, I’m afraid. »

« Ah, too bad. I would have needed the money, considering I’m quitting. »

Mr Fell turned as white as a sheet.

« What ? Why ? Is it because of what just happened ? Is it because of me ? »

Crowley shrugged.

« Nah, not really. I’m fed up. Had enough of these… stupid rich people and their impossible kids. I change jobs regularly. Never manage to keep one for long. I don’t really like taking orders, but I don’t feel like… having responsibilities and such. I just… Saunter vaguely from one job to another, I guess. »

The waiter was absentmindedly playing with the coins in his hand, unbothered by the cake bits. He looked tired.

« Would be nice to have a steady situation, though » he whispered.

The magician felt sad, but couldn’t quite think about what he could possibly reply to comfort his companion. The waiter cut his thoughts abruptely, turning once again towards Mr Fell with a wide grin.

« Hey, let’s leave the garden » he said. « Since none of us work here anymore. »

The logic quite escaped the magician, but as he had already gathered all his belongings in his suitcase and his bunny in his cage, and had been paid in advance, he indeed had no real reason to stay by the gates of the mansion. He nodded, and opened the door.

« Oh, wait a second » added Crowley hurrily, fleeing back into the garden.

Mr Fell grimaced as he saw the waiter jumping under an apple tree, and downright stealing a couple of fruits.

« Crowley ! » he exclamed disapprovingly.

The man came back, beaming, one apple in each hand, unnoticed by any of the staff members who still had many undisciplined children to handle. Crowley held out an apple, red and bright, to Mr Fell.

« May I tempt you to a spot of lunch ? » he asked in an amused tone.

« Really, my dear. If I am an angel, then you are a demon . »

The magician took the apple nonetheless.


End file.
